Dealing with myself &

I Don’t Feel Beautiful Anymore. The Scale is Torturing Me. I’m over my heaviest weight now. I Don’t Feel Well, I Cant Get out of The House Because I Cant try hard enough because the chronic pain weighs me down. I Want To Go To School And I Want To work Out and Feel Strong But Getting out from underneath the covers is hard enough. I don’t want to hide anymore but i don’t want to come out. But I do want to change, I Just wish it was easier. And Ive Been Thinking of giving up, but i cant stand knowing I’man idiot for thinking of it. I’m Exhausted. i have been through so much, & i want to stop crying over he past and carry on, i just don’t know if I’m there yet.i miss being strong. I Need Help.

Tomorrow i want to turn things around, like they used to be, still awkwardly social, but in my mind and body; feeling better.

I’m going to sign up for another gym membership so i can get healthier and i hope my mom will actually help me go through with this.i need this.

and thankgoodness this isnt my revolution, becuase i cant give up on this. i miss my health.

I’m Supposed to be going to his wrestling match tonight, but i decided not to.its not that I’m mad at him or anything. i just don’t want to go out. i feel disgusting. i want to hide myself.