Dealing with myself &

“I Know you could get in shape if you wanted to… if you tried”

That Happened earlier. and a lot of things like that have happened in the past and are almost promised for the future. i Tried getting out of bed this morning. i won.By Slowly making my way through out the house towards the living room. attempted stringing lights on the Christmas tree. then whined at my sister to help. i took a shower. A SHOWER. then i went to the home depot with my father. then came home to curl up and my a cripple and watch football and screamed for a good ten minutes and went to bed at eight. but now I’m awake and about to have another potential flare up.Yet Today Was a Better Day Than Most. why don’t i have a six pack yet?

Fibromyalgia Wipes Me The Fuck Out.

Whatever i do it never seems to be good enough.

I’m Pretty Sure I Go On and write at least one text post a day of how exhausted i am. Because yeah i’m pretty darn tired. i wish blogging would make me more awake but the light beams from the computer take something away from me, i wish they would give me nutrients, like a hydroponic kind of thing.I’m so deficient in about every single vitamin. but my supplements I’ve been taking for well over a few months haven’t made a difference. 

Whenever I Tell My Peers/Family i’m Tired they look at me like i have five heads. Mostly because they are aware of the fact that i only have 4 periods rather than the “normal high school” 7. And I get Plenty of sleep.While they’re having 7 periods of AP classes sports AND jobs.Personally i have no idea how they do that. I Don’t think people realize it though, that i’m not healthy as they are, yet they do know i have something wrong with me. I Don’t know. but everything i do exhausts me and i’m not even running in cross country anymore. just walking down the hallway is like a 5k for me now. It Honest to god sucks ass. 

I Just want a break though. i’m constantly in in pain all day. if i make it through school i usually just end up going home in pain. then something usually happens that triggers something then i’m having flare ups. and that usually lasts for hours. that and if i do get sleep other than naps, i don’t feel rested anyways so why bother sleeping at all?

Maybe I’m Just Crazy, because i sure as hell feel like it.

School Days Are Rough. School work, get home. art work.. then i get so tired, but then remember there’s homework too. Ive Been Working All Day. And It Goes On for the next 9 months. i miss summer already.

I’m In A Lot Of physical pain, just once id love for my digestive tract to work without keeping me up at night. I’m so tired, all i want to do is sleep and for this to stop.

Everything has been so much busier lately. more plans, more responsibilities and more expectations and the past few nights Ive been in bed by eight. I’m so exhausted right now, but the business sure does keep a mind off a broken heart. My only goal right now is to be happy with myself and not be dependant on others, but i wouldn’t mind if someone would be there for me romantically.

My Ribs and diafram have been spazzing and cramping up. i feel incredible aweful, i just want to curl up in a ball and die, or at least sleep. im so sick of the pain, its so exhuasting. sometimes i just dont think i can do this anymore. Im so exhuasted.

My Self Esteem has been horrible lately, i cant believe how down in the dumps Ive been lately. It’s kind of scary actually. I think all the stress has just piled up and pushed me down there. but I’m not getting any shorter.

my appearance and my health have always been a problem but i don’t think its ever been this bad. i think of what my life could be, ad it tears me to pieces and trying harder to get there terrifies me since the chronic pain exhausts me so much already.

I Hate to complain, but im depressed. i’m tired of everything.

I Think The Only Way I’m going to achieve, is by pushing my self further than the edge, because little changes aren’t big enough, i need a revolution to save myself. 

I Want To Start Living Again.