I Hate When I’m Like this. Depression sucks, and its not only that, the suicide Thoughts, and the lack of hope. I Just Really Don’t know how to handle it anymore because i cant even handle my own body. I Hate Mourning my own life while trying to live it just because my body cant function correctly.
Its Funny Too because everyone keeps telling me “things get better” when once it did get better, it became dramatically worse. I Did Cross Country and My IBS and Endo got better and then, whatever the fuck happened with my back- i can barely walk anymore- so besides my entire body feeling like its bruised, my IBS and endo gets worse because the lack of exercise The Doctors Think My Gardezal Shot set off “fibromyalgia” but its not a legitamite diagnoses yet. But I’m Just On So Many Medications I’m Beyond Aggitated.
I’m So Fucking Sick of this bullshit, because i’ve been pushing through this for so long, and i’m starting to regret not killing myself when i had the chance, because now i don’t think i’m strong enough to even do it.
This Is So Beyond Frustrating. I Don’t know How To Fucking Handle This Anymore. It’s Funny too, because morally i’m against it, but the amount of deaths in my area i don’t want to be another “number” on that list of adolescents who weren’t strong enough. But I Honestly don’t want to live in pain everyday, its exhausting and right now, i feel so sick, (physically and emotionally)
And i Don’t want to go to another mental hospital where i don’t belong, surrounded by drug addicts and “almost murderers” and rapists. I Have Real Pain. I’m Not Crazy; i’m just want to be able to live my life without spending all of it in bed.
Is That To Much To Ask For?
(and ill be fine. i’m just going to cry and go to bed. which is how I’ve made it 6 years without actually going through with this whole suicide thing. Its so frustrating.i cant even describe how frustrating this is, this is a nightmare.)