Dealing with myself &

This Past week has been so stressful, like all the other weeks, but this one.. wasn’t a “normal” stressful week. i was in the E.R for two nights in a row, one to visit a friend on suicide watch and the other because of a pain flare up.  Then of course finals are coming up and I’m no where ready for them, I’m still struggling to catch up in all of my school work. I’m also Pmsing so I’m constantly eating, convincing myself that I’m no good and i don’t deserve anything and ive been very sexually frustrated as well…because that’s what hormones do i guess. oh, and as well as additional pain from the gut. its just been so stressfull. and ive been thinking so much and thinking usually isnt a good thing for me..

but on a lighter note i tried hemp milk today and it was really.. odd. i got the same reaction from it as i did when i first tried soy milk… but hopefully once i get used to it it’ll treat my tummy with care. and my diet has been fucked up, ive been slipping up, so Ive had some cookie dough here and some mac n cheese there and just a lot of dairy gluten and egg products which aren’t good for me… (my excuse is PMS cravings..) but Ive decided that I’m going to go vegan for a week again or so so i can get back on the healthy-not as much pain- diet that i need to be on so i can function some. because honestly, Ive been putting shit into my body. i regret it.

I Just hope i dont make anymore stupid decisions becuase even though ive been so stressed about school, health should be my main focus, even though it hasnt been lately. i need to get control back into my life becuase i just feel like a mess. i need to clean up my act. but im not sure how well that would help with my stress

Im just tired. i have only 10 more days left of school… and hopefully my stress will calm done once its finished. i need, a relaxing productive summer this year.

But unfortunately I don’t think that much people are going to be aware of it because there aren’t enough months for all the diseases and illness out there, if there were we’d need a year filled with hundreds and thousands if months. And personally I don’t think I could handle a year that long.

All in all, I just really hope it can be recognized as such a serious thing that it is. It is such a challenge to live with and I just can’t stress that enough. I really hope that they can find a cure soon because even the slightest relief in a patient can go so far. As of now I have a lot of faith in the small amount of research they are doing, it’s a start.

I know this isn’t really awaring anyone of endo, but I’m just trying to get my thoughts out there and wish all you ladies the best of luck with this. Stay strong.

So I haven’t been Posting lately and i guess you all hate that. well honestly, i just don’t know what to say. I’m stuck.  i have to start exercising and eating right again (i have no idea how i slipped) and that and they medical situation has been continuing- which is so stressful and a difficult struggle in my life.and. i just don’t know where to go right now. like- Ive tried so many things to overcome my difficulties, but its constantly a trail and error. I’m not sure where the “success” is coming into play.