Dealing with myself &

Today was my last day at my partial day program, and i hate the shrink. A Couple days ago he pulled me in for a meeting to check up how i was doing but integrated me on my friend’s death instead. & Today He Made me Realize How Hopeless I Really Was Instead of How i thought i was. He Told Me how My medical stuff was out of the question, and how keeping me alive was their greatest concern.My Medical issues have not only have they limited my mobility,but have made me depressed because i feel like they’re stripping me from my opportunity on a successful life.I’ve Been Trying So hard, through the depression, to keep my head up and work through my school work and a semi-positive outlook-With having Pain..Every.Single.Day.So Before you call out “we Don’t want You ending Up like Your friend”, Be More sensitive, Because Today, It’s his Anniversary. & I’ve Never Liked A Shrink.

I Don’t Believe I’ll good enough. Missing School Makes me feel Like a failure even if it was just one day. but the words people say are constantly right in front of me even though they were said Years ago. “you’re not going to make it in high school” “you’re going to spend the rest of your life rotting in bed” I’m Terrified of these coming true. Which is why I’m constantly anxious and working my ass off far more than i should be. I’m over stressed because of it.

I Dont feel worth anything anymore. id love to give up but im afriad of loosing more than i already have.

Yesterday was awful. At French class i got kicked out because i refused to take a test i wasn’t ready for, prior to that i haven’t been to school in a week. i got yelled at two teachers (two foreign language teachers) screaming accusing me of not “trying hard enough” and “skipping”. which killed me since i try so hard. living with chronic pain is hard enough, let alone just sitting in class and being covered in uncomfortable cramps. I Have a 504, and it specifically says that i will make up work when prepared to. but fuck, no ones going to listen to that. But For the past few Years, Ive had the phrases “you’re not going to make it through high school” & “She’s just going to rot in her bed for the rest of her life”  Thanks To My Guidance Counselor And My Lovely S.O.B. dad. I Would always push myself to work past that so what they say would never become a reality, but now, i think that Ive pushed myself to the point where i want to give up.  

Some people Need Motivation To Go To School

I Need Strength to get to school. I Missed My last Day Of Review, And My First Day Of Midterms Today And I Am So Overly Stressed.I Try So Hard To Push Myself To Get Places But My Endo Pain Slows Me Down And Makes it impossible for me to make progress. I’m Terrified. I Need To Pass, And I Need To Get through high school. I Just Want To Get this all over with and not stay in school longer than i need to. Because I Do Try. I Push Myself To Tears To get Ready In The Morning. I Guess that isn’t good enough.

But Tonight Ill Study My Ass Off And Will Go Tomorrow. And Will Try To Stay Late To Finish The Midterm i missed Today Because I Hate Being Behind In All Of My Work, School Is My Biggest Stressor Besides The Medical Complications. I Need Encouragement And Support,That Is All i Want.

I Would Be The One To Miss 11:11 on 11/11/11. But I’m Done Wishing Anyways. Ive Got Enough False Hope To Last Me Awhile & I’m Better Off Just Living In The Moment.

But If I Had, I Would’ve Wished For A Happy And Healthier Life. Its Far Fetched from what I’m living Now, but I Think There’s A Possibility It Can Happen.

Maybe.

At School,I went down to the nurse and asked her to call my mom so she can pick me up from school because of these awful stomach cramps. These kids were thereand asked me if i was sick i nodded and they said “i hope you get better”.I Smiled Politely and said thank you. i know one of the kids, Justin, has awful chronic headaches. The other kid just thought i was faking. but i don’t think either of them are aware of my situation. once i got home. i realized i cant get better because there isn’t a cure to endometriosis.

Diet tends to help allot especially with this and IBS (which i also have) . I Have Been Successfully been on A Gluten Free Vegan Diet for a week now, I’m really proud of myself. but I’m not so sure if this will help me dramatically since I’ve tried this in the past