Dealing with myself &

Its Bothering me. Just Because One treatment or experience hasn’t helped them doesn’t mean it wont help me. and honestly this is my last resort by trying all the alternatives because conservative/traditional medicines haven’t had a positive effect on my health.  Sorry I have Faith in people, even if they don’t have a white jacket, because often those can be very intimidating.

I Just Don’t See The Problem with it. It’s my health not yours. and saying how chiropractors cant help me because they aren’t real doctors. is like saying Exercise cant help reduce the effects of stress, or how eliminating meat out of your diet cant help lower cholesterol. Which is all complete Bullshit.

I just don’t understand how its ignorant of me to widen my options since traditional things haven’t helped me. and honestly their just making asses out of themselves.

Late. But At Least i went.I dont know how i did it. but i did, i was for sure i was going to have an anxiety attack, but i didnt. its just tough being in school, in pain and having no idea what im doing. but thanksgiving break has begun and hopefully i can catch up after. i need at least a little break (tomarrow, saturday and sunday, since having company is no pleassure 100% of the time, i just hope i behave myself-since ive been easily irratable lately.)

And I Went to a new chiropractor today and left with higher hopes than i thought i would. but it seems that the Gardisal vaccine definatly made my health decline. (it kind of sucks but i didnt need it- since im not at risks to any HIV’s at the moment. and have never been at risk for it. but im just so used to saying yes to drugs- in urging desperation for something to work. i feel like such an idiot.) But This New Chirropracter seems pretty confident that he’ll be able to help with my jiont pain and so on.He Also said the missalignment is cuasing anxiety too since theres pressure on my brain stem- So Hopefully some stress/anxiety will be released. i just hope im not going to give my hopes up again. but i want something to work. badly. Even though my dad may thing the whole “chiropractic” industry is a joke and all the doctors are quacks; at least they believe me when i say i have pain

Today i Went Back To Boston For my Second Depro Lupron Shot. And it is A Pain in my Ass, Literally.

it hurt more this time than i remembered. and there was blood on the band aid after, a lot of it. and I’m awfully scared that the doctors may be right, that they’ll have to take me off it soon even though the three month period has just begun. I know it hasn’t worked yet, even though it should have by now, but i just don’t want to disappoint myself from it. Since this is the strongest treatment for endo, i just don’t want to loose hope; even though no medication really has worked for me. But as strange as it is, all the pros and cons of this medicine, its the only medication Ive had faith in lately. and i have to admit, I’m terrified if this doesn’t end up working. Then Whats next?

I’m proud of myself. i haven’t given up yet. and everything has been an agonizing mess. I’m beginning to believe that I’m stronger than i once thought i was. and maybe i have hope again. who knows.

Lately Ive Been Thinking It Has Nothing To Do About Hope, Its About Strength.

I Would Be The One To Miss 11:11 on 11/11/11. But I’m Done Wishing Anyways. Ive Got Enough False Hope To Last Me Awhile & I’m Better Off Just Living In The Moment.

But If I Had, I Would’ve Wished For A Happy And Healthier Life. Its Far Fetched from what I’m living Now, but I Think There’s A Possibility It Can Happen.

Maybe.

Honestly Id Be A Better Boyfriend Than You And Im A Lady. Ill Stop Lying & Pretending To be Happy To You Once You Become A Gentleman. I Want To Leave, I Deserve Better & Shes Out There For me.

I came home From Boston last night. My Surgery was Scheduled at 3pm but there was a delay because someone needed surgery but they couldn’t schedule? teenagers go last at Children’s Hospital, i don’t think that’s fair. because i was so hungry and hadn’t eaten for two days, but thank goodness i got so hungry i didn’t feel hungry anymore.I had My Surgery about two hours later. They Had To Put me under laughing Gas aswell because they couldn’t get the IV in because my veins never popped up;they wouldn’t let me drink all day;who would’ve thought? so she stabbed me about four times and gave up. But the Laughing Gas Gave Me A Crazy High, I Felt Like Sonic the Hedgehog running in a race, the heat-radar and blood pressure tickers and all the other noises morphed into the Mario theme song. i felt bad ass but. wow. they got the needle in and i didn’t feel it. && then i was out. I Woke up two hours later and i couldn’t stay asleep but they kept making me sit up and i felt really woozy. my stomach is sore from stitches but now, i have a diagnosis. Ive Been Diagnosed With Endometriosis. At least They Finally Found Something. They Caught it really early and took out as much as they could,I’m going to get medicine soon, and I’m on my way of getting better. although it IS incurable. I Have Hope Again* Thank You Boston.

This Evening Was So Lovely* Life’s Going Well.

Its Almost 5am and I’m not into bed yet. Darn Those Energy Drinks.. I’m waiting for the crash. So To pass Time I By I Temp.Tattooed My Entire Left Arm, tidy up the living room, finish my Homework and I’m Looking Through Stuff To Fill out For My Surgery. Tee Minus 5 days. I’m Not an anxious wreck right now. but that’ll hit me as had as the crash from The AMP i Had Earlier. Today Was Wonderfullish. I Hope The Better Days Keep Coming*