Dealing with myself &

Late. But At Least i went.I dont know how i did it. but i did, i was for sure i was going to have an anxiety attack, but i didnt. its just tough being in school, in pain and having no idea what im doing. but thanksgiving break has begun and hopefully i can catch up after. i need at least a little break (tomarrow, saturday and sunday, since having company is no pleassure 100% of the time, i just hope i behave myself-since ive been easily irratable lately.)

And I Went to a new chiropractor today and left with higher hopes than i thought i would. but it seems that the Gardisal vaccine definatly made my health decline. (it kind of sucks but i didnt need it- since im not at risks to any HIV’s at the moment. and have never been at risk for it. but im just so used to saying yes to drugs- in urging desperation for something to work. i feel like such an idiot.) But This New Chirropracter seems pretty confident that he’ll be able to help with my jiont pain and so on.He Also said the missalignment is cuasing anxiety too since theres pressure on my brain stem- So Hopefully some stress/anxiety will be released. i just hope im not going to give my hopes up again. but i want something to work. badly. Even though my dad may thing the whole “chiropractic” industry is a joke and all the doctors are quacks; at least they believe me when i say i have pain

My Sister is using basically using my chronic illnesses for drugs.

Because I might be eligible for medicinal marijuana, she wants me on it asap she we can have the green buddies growing in our home. Weed was only legalized in our state two days And Shes So Excited about it. Last Night We Were Talking and she straight out said to me “I can Sell Your Percocets for $20 each and buy so much weed with that” Like Honestly- Heyy I Need those Percs Because i AM in that much pain.It’s the Most Irritating thing in the world.

If it wasn’t for my medical issues and the pain I’m in i wouldn’t even consider touching marijuana, but going through trail and error with all these prescription drugs and getting no relief; I’m kind of desperate. I Just Want Want the pain to stop. But once i do or even if i do, ill have have her stealing them somehow behind my back. She Disgusts me, and I’m absolutely irritated.

My Ribs and diafram have been spazzing and cramping up. i feel incredible aweful, i just want to curl up in a ball and die, or at least sleep. im so sick of the pain, its so exhuasting. sometimes i just dont think i can do this anymore. Im so exhuasted.

things don’t really make sense right now, whatever goes its the effort put into it. I’m not going to stop trying because giving up hasnt worked in the past.

Stress is about all i have to deal with. but it just beats me down and i cant find a way out of it. it makes me want to give up. but i wont and i don’t know the answer why. i want to know whats keeping me from failure.

I’m Going To Draw before my mind Takes Over With All Its Stupid Little Thoughts and Major Controversies.

She’s beautiful And Was told To Sit Next me. Were Both Afraid Of the teacher and We Don’t Know Who Really anyone is. But She talked Like The Rain in a Thunderstorm.She Said She was Shocked By Herself By Talking Right Then Because She usually Doesn’t Feel So Open Or Something i Guess. We talked Some About Music And. Stuff I Cant remember. But The Words “I Like You” Are Ringing In My Head. I Don’t mind If We Don’t Go Out. I’m Making A New Friend. I’m Proud Of myself,Especially Underneath My Circumstances :)