Dealing with myself &

I Don’t Feel Beautiful Anymore. The Scale is Torturing Me. I’m over my heaviest weight now. I Don’t Feel Well, I Cant Get out of The House Because I Cant try hard enough because the chronic pain weighs me down. I Want To Go To School And I Want To work Out and Feel Strong But Getting out from underneath the covers is hard enough. I don’t want to hide anymore but i don’t want to come out. But I do want to change, I Just wish it was easier. And Ive Been Thinking of giving up, but i cant stand knowing I’man idiot for thinking of it. I’m Exhausted. i have been through so much, & i want to stop crying over he past and carry on, i just don’t know if I’m there yet.i miss being strong. I Need Help.