I’m So Frustrated with My Family, I’m just waiting for the day i can legally move out, Ive got two more years, at least.
I Just Want home to be a Peaceful, relaxing place for once. I’m sick of all the screaming and fighting, not being able to call anything mine, Criticism and hate between these walls. i know Ive been over this before, but i just want to feel safe in my own home, I’m so tense and afraid here. I’m Sick Of The Forced Religion and the Booze everywhere, the hypocrisy,the attitudes, etc . I’m Just So Sick Of Everything.
I’m Terrified even though Ive done this thousands of times. I’m Going Back To School. Although This Time I Haven’t Been In School For Well over a month. I’m not sure what I’m scared of, the make-up work , the social environment, being sick, overwhelmed, etc. but I’m really anxious. Wish me Luck. I’m Going To Need It.
So I’m Sitting here with my pile of makeup work and an awful stomach ache. i wouldn’t be as stressed if my mom left me alone. she thinks that my blood sugar is low and that’s why i never feel good. So for the past few days shes been trying to stab me with on of those glucose testers- those things that people with diabetes use.I have IBS and Endometriosis. She wants me to eat so my blood sugar can be higher so i can feel better- I’m Not a Diabetic, And if i eat at all my IBS will flare up more. I’m Exhausted. I Just want to be left alone and be productive today even though i am having pain. I Don’t Want today To Be A complete Waste.
I Don’t know what happened. these past two days were really wonderful but now my depression came back like a bullet. i knew my happiness wouldn’t last long. i knew it. i just want to overcome my insecurities and feel appreciated for once. These past two days were god sent, im so greatfull for them but all i want now is for the emotional and physichal pain to lighten up a bit. i just want to replay the past two days. i want to feel amazing again.
Today i Went Back To Boston For my Second Depro Lupron Shot. And it is A Pain in my Ass, Literally.
it hurt more this time than i remembered. and there was blood on the band aid after, a lot of it. and I’m awfully scared that the doctors may be right, that they’ll have to take me off it soon even though the three month period has just begun. I know it hasn’t worked yet, even though it should have by now, but i just don’t want to disappoint myself from it. Since this is the strongest treatment for endo, i just don’t want to loose hope; even though no medication really has worked for me. But as strange as it is, all the pros and cons of this medicine, its the only medication Ive had faith in lately. and i have to admit, I’m terrified if this doesn’t end up working. Then Whats next?
Today was my last day at my partial day program, and i hate the shrink. A Couple days ago he pulled me in for a meeting to check up how i was doing but integrated me on my friend’s death instead. & Today He Made me Realize How Hopeless I Really Was Instead of How i thought i was. He Told Me how My medical stuff was out of the question, and how keeping me alive was their greatest concern.My Medical issues have not only have they limited my mobility,but have made me depressed because i feel like they’re stripping me from my opportunity on a successful life.I’ve Been Trying So hard, through the depression, to keep my head up and work through my school work and a semi-positive outlook-With having Pain..Every.Single.Day.So Before you call out “we Don’t want You ending Up like Your friend”, Be More sensitive, Because Today, It’s his Anniversary. & I’ve Never Liked A Shrink.