I Am Not Ready For School Today. My Cramps are acting up and my insides hurt. i have a math test, french presentation and i have to stay after for history today to make up two other tests. Today is going to be a ridiculously long day, and i am stressing out about it, so now my chest hurts because of my lovely IBS. I Just want to go back to bed. Wish me Luck.
Everything has been so much busier lately. more plans, more responsibilities and more expectations and the past few nights Ive been in bed by eight. I’m so exhausted right now, but the business sure does keep a mind off a broken heart. My only goal right now is to be happy with myself and not be dependant on others, but i wouldn’t mind if someone would be there for me romantically.
I Don’t know how to explain it, but my Hearts broken again. This Girl led me on, and she seemed so perfect and wonderful, but she lied to me and played with my heart. I just want to be happy with someone who wouldn’t just bail so quickly or still have feelings for their ex.That Or Being happy with myself. i feel so lonely though. i cant stand it.
Lately Ive been a lot more active, going out more and getting my ass out of bed. and last night i was scared it was going to end. i had a pain flare up, and i just couldn’t do anything, i was so overwhelmed and oh my goodness. Ive been scared lately. really scared. but for other things besides my participation in my own life. I’m scared that special person is going to slip through my fingers and I’m scared of being near my dad, whom openly confessed his homophobia last night. and Im just so scared that no one will like me for who i am, and not my illness. because I’m just scared that IBS and Endo will take over my life again and leave me bed bound.Im Scared of Being Alone. Being scared, is such a stressful thing.
Society has focused everyone’s drive on Loosing weight, being skinny, being Perfect.
I Want To Focus on “Well Being” And A Healthy Life, and that would be all the perfection i need. and it is asking for a lot. and I’m still trying hard, but i know not enough. i need a kick to drive my motivation.
But In the mean time im going to try focusing on whats more important now, my mental health, becuase everything is so much easier with a clear head. i need the stress to go away or i will explode.
I see that you seem to have digestive issues.. have you tried modifying your diet? & if so in what ways?
Since I Have Endo Too;which also requires diet modification, Ive modified my diet to avoid red meats,caffeinated beverages, soy products, gluten products, processed sugars, all milk/dairy products,eggs, foods in high acid like tomatoes, lemons,limes, etc. I’m also allergic to Chocolate and cinnamon, so i also avoid those as well. aha.
I Know We haven’t been tight lately, and i kind of decided to turn my back on you because the corruption in society has turned normal “christian” views as if something of the devil’s. But please, give me a day of relief, and that tomorrow i can feel good, because i may have plans tomorrow;as long as this cold, IBS, and endo calms it self down. Please give me a chance with my social life. i cant be sick anymore.
And this Girl, she wants to go to six flags with me tomorrow. Shes Beautiful And Maybe I Have a Chance with her. oh God, please don’t let me down, just one day relieve me of pain and the sniffles. i might as well love you for the first time in Years!Please & Thank You.