But unfortunately I don’t think that much people are going to be aware of it because there aren’t enough months for all the diseases and illness out there, if there were we’d need a year filled with hundreds and thousands if months. And personally I don’t think I could handle a year that long.
All in all, I just really hope it can be recognized as such a serious thing that it is. It is such a challenge to live with and I just can’t stress that enough. I really hope that they can find a cure soon because even the slightest relief in a patient can go so far. As of now I have a lot of faith in the small amount of research they are doing, it’s a start.
I know this isn’t really awaring anyone of endo, but I’m just trying to get my thoughts out there and wish all you ladies the best of luck with this. Stay strong.
I hate to be such a damn pessimist.
But yeah I’m so close to giving up right now, I’m so sick if the cramping and the chronic pain. I’ve been curled up all week in a little ball because of it. And it’s not even my period yet.
I’m so terrified right now and I have been for the last couple hours. It’s like a wave of paranoia has engulfed me and I can’t find my way out. I don’t think I’ve ever been so overwhelmed in a long time. But fuck I’m scared to death and its all from myself.
I absolutely hate this, I’m so sick of these feelings of hopelessness but they’re so hard to ignore. And they say I’m nothing.
Being depressed and in physical pain is maybe the worst thing ever, it feels like death is on your shoulder. I always say this. I need relief. I need help. I don’t want to be this way anymore. But I have tried working on my happiness with art projects, exercise, and spending time with my friends, but nothing seems to help. I always question myself because I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore.
If You Guys Don’t Mind For The Next Couple Of Hours I’m Going to Impersonate Snorlax and store all the food i can until my nap time comes by.
*I’m So happy i’ve Gotten my appetite back, although not eating, as awful and empty i felt, seeing my hip bones from not being bloated all the time was a bit of a relief. I Felt a little better, eating nothing but small portioned fruit all week. But it still hasn’t taken away the Endo/IBS pain. I think becoming vegan will be much easier now since the experience of this past week… but yeah, I’m still kind of afraid to eat- i don’t have an eating disorder you guys- because i don’t want my pain to flare up again. Even knocking all the food I’m sensitive out of my diet, anything i eat seems to upset my stomach. i just hope all this gets better soon. all I’m really sure of is that im so happy my appetite is back, i feel- normal-ish again. its an improvement.
This is my third day in the hospital, I got admitted on monday, it’s been awful, I’ve been thinking way too much and my dreams have been so strange. Well besides all that I’m actually surprised how delicious the hospital food is, I’ve been eating A TON of fresh fruit and delicious raisins and walnuts. And I have to admit I haven’t been doing the greatest but I AM doing a lot better than I was earlier this week. Hopefully I’ll be discharged later tonight or tomarrow, I’m waiting for my MRI to be done. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss being home, but I miss going to school and sleepoing in my own bed too. Well wish me luck guys because I think I’m going a little crazy.
For the last 8 hours I barely made a grunt , moan or scream from pain. I have no idea because by now I would be screaming until my voice got hoarse. But right now any movement fm oils trigger and make it worse, I dint know how I’m able to control it right now, nut I feel like the tree in the forest, if I fell would anyone hear me or be around to hear it, or would I make a noise at all when I hit the forest floor. I wish the pain would wither away
. Dammit Boston please help today.
I don’t know why I’m
Still struggling to get to sleep. It’s already 5 am and I’d already be getting up and getting ready for my 3rd trip to Boston this week In maybe half an hour. I think I’ve gotten just a full hour of sleep maybe less. I’m exhausted, my endometriosis has been ripping me into pieces but I won’t be seeing Laufer until a few weeks from now. Today I’m seeing my GI and the pain management/ psychiatrist. I don’t know why but I have a sick fantasy about being admitted back into the hospital For mental and physical stability. I just want pain medications; all add-back & lupron therapy has done so far is cause me hell, I haven’t felt any better being on it. All I want to do is feel better for a little while. I want relief so I can have some time to relax.
I feel like I would be doing so much better if I wasn’t here.
My house is like a dungeon I never feel safe here, the people and the tensions, I just wish I had a place to call home that really felt like home. I don’t feel welcomed here at all. I wish I could just go home. But then again, where is home?
I don’t think I’ve found it yet. I just Want to feel safe and loved or at least tolerated, I’ve never felt more out of place than with my family. I don’t think belong here with them.
I want to join tennis but I think it’s too late. Sign ups were march 4th or something like that but I’m sick of being at home all the day and dwelling on my pain. My grades are horrible but I still want to try because I loved it in gym class and I mastered it like a god. I’ve always wanted to be athletic but I’m scared my endo will slow me down, before I got diagnosed j haven’t gotten the chance to be athletic because I had foot surgery as well and I.just started to walk normally and run without it giving out from under me. I just feel like I’m putting it off because my fear of my endo and random spasmodic pain. I hope the Lipton works soon and until then endless walks with the dogs and weekly visits to the gym.
I Just Came Home From The Endo Conference. I’m Actually surprised of how many people there were; 80. But like- i liked it alot even though it got boring at points but i didnt feel alone becuase alot of the girls there had IBS along with their Endo. i dont know, i just learned alot. i think ill go next year if i had the chance. C:
Where i wish they would prescribe my pain medicine, whatever it is. My IBS, My Endo, They Just Intertwine together and reek havoc on my body. I Want to sleep but The pain Is keeping me up, which is physically exhausting. except somehow its not exhausting enough to get me to sleep.
& I’m so sick of people saying, oh, just take more ibuprofen, take more Tylenol. because it doesn’t work. and they only reason why they wont prescribe it is because they don’t want me getting addicted. but- I’m to the point where overdosing on extra strength tylenol doesn’t even start to relieve the pain.
So Ive Decided I’m Going To An Endo Conference Saturday morning In Boston, meeting other girls with it and their families, learning more ways to handle it and ways to cope with it. I Cant Say I’m necessarily excited for it because I’m socially awkward, that and i have to wake up at 6 to start my field trip to Boston, then get there at 8 for it all to begin.
I’m sorry but i cant see how this will be an accomplishment on anyone’s part. we are women with hormonal imbalances waking up early on a Saturday, this does not sound smart* but just a personal opinion.
Anyways, hopefully this’ll be helpful, I’m am very excited for the yoga lessons. C:
My Medicine Is Making me go Insane, Its Been over two months and I Don’t even have hope in the study anymore. I Haven’t gotten any relief from it, only a million side effects. I feel so weak and I’m Not Sure when i should give up.
i had an extreme flare up in my IBS. It was terrifying, my ribs have never hurt so bad before and the parents were worried about appendix popping. so i was shipped into an ambulance and on my way to the ICU. and to be honest i only remember the ride there and getting there,and that black guy saying ”don’t cry baby it’ll be okay”,none of the x-rays and etc. i have to admit they drugged me up good. i was given morphine and something else that i cant remember.
But now I’m doing basically a colon prep, i guess i was pretty stuffed up like a Teddy bear. i just want this prep to be over and done with, i want some pain relief like i had in the ER last night. I’m just excited for this to be over and done with so i can keep a closer eye on my diet so this will never happen again. no more precessed foods for me! or meat for a little while. Speaking of which, I’m contemplating on being a vegan, and of course that can be hard without my soy :c
My Ribs and diafram have been spazzing and cramping up. i feel incredible aweful, i just want to curl up in a ball and die, or at least sleep. im so sick of the pain, its so exhuasting. sometimes i just dont think i can do this anymore. Im so exhuasted.
I just can’t believe myself. Lately I’ve been so upset that it’s like I’ve just forgotten how to take care of myself. When I’m depressed I usually avoid or binge on food. And lately I’ve just been so upset that I haven’t been watching what I’ve been putting into my body. I’ve almost gone completely off my diet and I just feel so sick. But I don’t even know what to think because since I’m so depressed that I don’t even think that I’m worth it to take care of myself. My self confidence and self esteem has hit rock bottom and my health Is heading there too if I keep this up. I hate it and I’m terrified. I don’t have a support team either… I’ve been to several nutritionists but they all just recommend to add it back into my diet since I need certain nutrients since I’m deficient in almost everything. I’m just so tired of eating my feelings, and having food that doesn’t satisfy the tummy and the taste buds. This is so frustrating and I don’t know how to do this. I need serious help, I miss being in control, i just want my brain to overcome my impulses once in awhile.
what you say can last a few seconds, but for someone else they'll last for a lifetime.
I Don’t Believe I’ll good enough. Missing School Makes me feel Like a failure even if it was just one day. but the words people say are constantly right in front of me even though they were said Years ago. “you’re not going to make it in high school” “you’re going to spend the rest of your life rotting in bed” I’m Terrified of these coming true. Which is why I’m constantly anxious and working my ass off far more than i should be. I’m over stressed because of it.
I Dont feel worth anything anymore. id love to give up but im afriad of loosing more than i already have.