I wish I picked up or called him back but my chances are gone. I miss him so much, I think I kind of like him too.
Last day of endo awareness month.
But unfortunately I don’t think that much people are going to be aware of it because there aren’t enough months for all the diseases and illness out there, if there were we’d need a year filled with hundreds and thousands if months. And personally I don’t think I could handle a year that long. All in all, I just really hope it can be recognized as such a serious thing...
I hate to be such a damn pessimist. But yeah I’m so close to giving up right now, I’m so sick if the cramping and the chronic pain. I’ve been curled up all week in a little ball because of it. And it’s not even my period yet.
I’m depressed paranoid and anxious. I want to feel like I’m worth something again. I Want to be happy.
I don't think I'll be getting sleep tonight
I’m so terrified right now and I have been for the last couple hours. It’s like a wave of paranoia has engulfed me and I can’t find my way out. I don’t think I’ve ever been so overwhelmed in a long time. But fuck I’m scared to death and its all from myself.
I absolutely hate this, I’m so sick of these feelings of hopelessness but they’re so hard to ignore. And they say I’m nothing. Being depressed and in physical pain is maybe the worst thing ever, it feels like death is on your shoulder. I always say this. I need relief. I need help. I don’t want to be this way anymore. But I have tried working on my happiness with art...
People are strange: They are constantly angered by trivial things, but on a...– Charles Bukowski (via funeral)
If You Guys Don’t Mind For The Next Couple Of Hours I’m Going to Impersonate Snorlax and store all the food i can until my nap time comes by. *I’m So happy i’ve Gotten my appetite back, although not eating, as awful and empty i felt, seeing my hip bones from not being bloated all the time was a bit of a relief. I Felt a little better, eating nothing but small portioned...
I Hate to Complain But Im Happy That I'm Home
This is my third day in the hospital, I got admitted on monday, it’s been awful, I’ve been thinking way too much and my dreams have been so strange. Well besides all that I’m actually surprised how delicious the hospital food is, I’ve been eating A TON of fresh fruit and delicious raisins and walnuts. And I have to admit I haven’t been doing the greatest but I AM...
For the last 8 hours I barely made a grunt , moan or scream from pain. I have no idea because by now I would be screaming until my voice got hoarse. But right now any movement fm oils trigger and make it worse, I dint know how I’m able to control it right now, nut I feel like the tree in the forest, if I fell would anyone hear me or be around to hear it, or would I make a noise at all when I...
I don’t know why I’m Still struggling to get to sleep. It’s already 5 am and I’d already be getting up and getting ready for my 3rd trip to Boston this week In maybe half an hour. I think I’ve gotten just a full hour of sleep maybe less. I’m exhausted, my endometriosis has been ripping me into pieces but I won’t be seeing Laufer until a few weeks from...
I feel like I would be doing so much better if I wasn’t here. My house is like a dungeon I never feel safe here, the people and the tensions, I just wish I had a place to call home that really felt like home. I don’t feel welcomed here at all. I wish I could just go home. But then again, where is home? I don’t think I’ve found it yet. I just Want to feel safe and loved...
Just some thoughts
I want to join tennis but I think it’s too late. Sign ups were march 4th or something like that but I’m sick of being at home all the day and dwelling on my pain. My grades are horrible but I still want to try because I loved it in gym class and I mastered it like a god. I’ve always wanted to be athletic but I’m scared my endo will slow me down, before I got diagnosed j...
Endometriosis Conference, Boston MA. 3.24.2012
I Just Came Home From The Endo Conference. I’m Actually surprised of how many people there were; 80. But like- i liked it alot even though it got boring at points but i didnt feel alone becuase alot of the girls there had IBS along with their Endo. i dont know, i just learned alot. i think ill go next year if i had the chance. C:
Its Nights Like These...
Where i wish they would prescribe my pain medicine, whatever it is. My IBS, My Endo, They Just Intertwine together and reek havoc on my body. I Want to sleep but The pain Is keeping me up, which is physically exhausting. except somehow its not exhausting enough to get me to sleep. & I’m so sick of people saying, oh, just take more ibuprofen, take more Tylenol. because it doesn’t...
So Ive Decided I’m Going To An Endo Conference Saturday morning In Boston, meeting other girls with it and their families, learning more ways to handle it and ways to cope with it. I Cant Say I’m necessarily excited for it because I’m socially awkward, that and i have to wake up at 6 to start my field trip to Boston, then get there at 8 for it all to begin. I’m sorry but i...
My Medicine Is Making me go Insane, Its Been over two months and I Don’t even have hope in the study anymore. I Haven’t gotten any relief from it, only a million side effects. I feel so weak and I’m Not Sure when i should give up.
Suicidal. All the Time.
Last Night & Today
i had an extreme flare up in my IBS. It was terrifying, my ribs have never hurt so bad before and the parents were worried about appendix popping. so i was shipped into an ambulance and on my way to the ICU. and to be honest i only remember the ride there and getting there,and that black guy saying ”don’t cry baby it’ll be okay”,none of the x-rays and etc. i have to...
The Past Week & a 1/2.
My Ribs and diafram have been spazzing and cramping up. i feel incredible aweful, i just want to curl up in a ball and die, or at least sleep. im so sick of the pain, its so exhuasting. sometimes i just dont think i can do this anymore. Im so exhuasted.
I Feel Awful Today, But I Finally Feel Like I’m Worth it. Hopefully This’ll Be A New Start.
spenceralthouse: I really want some Ellen underwear.
I just can’t believe myself. Lately I’ve been so upset that it’s like I’ve just forgotten how to take care of myself. When I’m depressed I usually avoid or binge on food. And lately I’ve just been so upset that I haven’t been watching what I’ve been putting into my body. I’ve almost gone completely off my diet and I just feel so sick. But I...
what you say can last a few seconds, but for...
I Don’t Believe I’ll good enough. Missing School Makes me feel Like a failure even if it was just one day. but the words people say are constantly right in front of me even though they were said Years ago. “you’re not going to make it in high school” “you’re going to spend the rest of your life rotting in bed” I’m Terrified of these coming...