I Don’t Feel Beautiful Anymore. The Scale is Torturing Me. I’m over my heaviest weight now. I Don’t Feel Well, I Cant Get out of The House Because I Cant try hard enough because the chronic pain weighs me down. I Want To Go To School And I Want To work Out and Feel Strong But Getting out from underneath the covers is hard enough. I don’t want to hide anymore but i don’t want to come out. But I do want to change, I Just wish it was easier. And Ive Been Thinking of giving up, but i cant stand knowing I’man idiot for thinking of it. I’m Exhausted. i have been through so much, & i want to stop crying over he past and carry on, i just don’t know if I’m there yet.i miss being strong. I Need Help.
i woke up with my dads friends still in the house because they got too wasted to go home.It’s Not Cool When Your almost 50, although i hope their hangovers are giving them hell.Well, i hope this means we’re not going to church today- ill just keep my distance for now.
I Feel So Overwhelmed right now, Ive never wanted a smoke so badly in my life and I’mclean. Ive never had so much hate for a person in such a long time, since Ive been trying to hold my peace. I Don’t Even think i can explain whats going on right now. so ill rant;
My dad is a member of the secret association of ass wholesand is ready to throw down any spirits near, he will and never will give a fuck. first off, i never feel safe around him, and I’ve wanted and ran away countless times. It wouldn’t matter what i would do, he would never be proud of me. to him; i will become nothing and a waste of his retirement funds.
He never believes ill be successful, he doesnt even believes i go through chronic pain, i wish i could give him a dose of IBS and Endometriosis,and laugh at his “act”. He’s also homophobic. I’m gay. he treats my mother like shit, Ive never seen anyone so heartless. & watches porn when the family’s in the same room; i mean, when the laptops closed at that angle, its obvoiuse so stop jiggling your balls.ill be surprised if he even loves my mother anymore, they fight constantly. And Even On My Good days, when i feel like i can make it out of bed, he always knows how to make me want to crawl back into it. He Is So Manipulative and disrespectful. i cant even explain this to the full extent, but i just want to get away.
Ever Since i was Eight, i would pray that my mom would find someone better and our family would be happy. It hasn’t gotten there yet, so i gave up on faith. i want this all to end. I want To Feel Safe.
I’m Missing My midterms and I’m So scared that I’m going to flunk because i cant even get into the car to go to school. These past two weeks have been hell for me and i don’teven know where to start. The pain Has Been Unbearable. The Only Real Reason I’m Upset, is because I DO want to do something with my life. and I’m afraid that if i cant get to school, I cant get to my dreams.
I Need Strength to get to school. I Missed My last Day Of Review, And My First Day Of Midterms Today And I Am So Overly Stressed.I Try So Hard To Push Myself To Get Places But My Endo Pain Slows Me Down And Makes it impossible for me to make progress. I’m Terrified. I Need To Pass, And I Need To Get through high school. I Just Want To Get this all over with and not stay in school longer than i need to. Because I Do Try. I Push Myself To Tears To get Ready In The Morning. I Guess that isn’t good enough.
But Tonight Ill Study My Ass Off And Will Go Tomorrow. And Will Try To Stay Late To Finish The Midterm i missed Today Because I Hate Being Behind In All Of My Work, School Is My Biggest Stressor Besides The Medical Complications. I Need Encouragement And Support,That Is All i Want.