she doesn’t believe me. that I’m depressed. she ranted on how its most likely because of vitamin defincencies and all this nutritional mumbo jumbo. she continued to rant about how i had a good life and how i needed to count my blessings, and that our family was decent.i hate my parents because they are so quick to judge, homophobic and tools. i dont feel safe in my own home because I’m afraid of them and i know they wont except me. so until they believe i really have something to be upset about, they’ll be dropping pills down my throught until i cough up a smile.
and determined about running tomorrow morning, i never exerciseand lead a sedentary lifestyle. but I’m striving to be healthy. and I’m hoping that i cant improve myself. and feel better. except i have an awful feeling I’m going to be to comfy to get out of bed in the morning. OH.. blankets and pillows <3
&& i feel like Ive made a mistake. i broke up with my boyfriend. of 5 days. but there was nothing. he reminded me too much of Zack and i knew if i continued going out with him i wouldn’t be able to move on. i feel wrong. but. I’m really only afraid of getting hurt. i wasn’t happy. and I’m no more happier now.
like i do all the time, but I’m really thinking of starting(or changing this) blog into a comic diary. or at least adding alot more of my own artwork. that and i do need to start drawing again; which also means i need an excuse.
& super great at the same time. no love or romance, but i got a few friends back that i thought Ive lost. and i cannot stress how important friendships are.
But I Broke Down On My Diet and ate some milk products and some stuff with gluten in them, I’m waiting for it but I’m in for a ride through hell tonight. i wish i didn’t have to be a vegan. I Wish i Didn’t have food allergies. this is so frustrating to deal with and i cant believe its been so long to stabilize a reasonable diet plan for me. i want to know when i will stop being so sick.
And its still summer. my teacher gave me the summer to work on some makeup work so i could pass her class and get the credits. i finished it the first week of summer. and now its gone. i loose everything. and now its about two weeks left until school, i cant get a hold of the teacher and i don’t know what I’m supposed to do so i can redo it. i am going to fail.
Ive been a major bitch all day. well. lets call it Day two because it started out really bad yesterday evening. its amazing how much hormones can transform a person into a nasty monster.now, i feel like i can fit into society now without looking like a uptight pansy. everything has been so irritating to me. i am so stressed. and dinner tonight, was, awful. i hate these stressors. this is a nightmare.
i care too much. i want to help too much. trying never hurt but i feel as if i get annoying and too overwhelmed with others problems. i want everyone just to be okay. but maybe its selfish because while I’mhelping others, maybe its just my way of escaping my own problems.i don’t know. this world doesn’t seem to be spinning smoothly and whenever it isn’t i go into a hurdling mess. no wonder why i want to take my career into the psychiatric field.. am i even qualified for that? I’m rarely sane myself.
i am in such a self-destructive mood. none of this even makes sense.I Feel like a major hypocrite. i want to help people. maybe i should help myself first? but i don’t even know if i have the self respect to handle that . damn.
“A man can live and be healthy without killing animals for food; therefore, if he eats meat, he participates in taking animal life merely for the sake of his appetite. And to act so is immoral.”—Leo Tolstoy (via veganliciouslj)